August 31, 2010
It is now time for me to see Mrs Bhaktar, specialist to do a detailed anatomy scan for my baby boy Lucas. I didn’t manage to finish a breakfast as I remained numb and helpless. I am praying sincerely on our way to the hospital and hoping that everything is just a bad dream. When I went through the scan again, the room was so quiet. I kept on looking between the monitor and the doctor’s facial reaction. I want to hear an explanation right then and then but she’s trying to study everything in detail. When the scan is done, she confirmed the diagnosis from her findings. So…these are all true! This is not just a bad dream but a fact that we have to face.
Mrs Bhaktar explained to me the case again. By that time, I am already familiar with the case as I have already done my research. Again, very, very rare, serious, crucial and life threatening for the baby once the cord is clamped. She then told me that I need to have amniocentesis to see if there is any underlying complication that needs attention. This has to be done as soon as possible to make the next decision. The worst of all, I heard her saying that if I don’t want to continue with the pregnancy, I will undergo termination of pregnancy by foeticide (injecting chemicals to stop the baby’s heart). I just look at my husband’s eye but can’t find any answer.
I am now trapped between 2 major decisions. It’s either to continue or interrupt the pregnancy? Because I’m in a medical profession, I can understand the root of the idea about termination. Doctors are thinking the practical side of life considering the quality of life for the baby. But on the other hand, I am a practicing catholic and abortion is unacceptable. The crucial decision lies between me and my husband. We were thinking the pros and cons of every angle. It is never easy…and going to be the most important decision that we have to make in our life.
The first person I would like to speak to that time is our priest friend, Father Edgar. He enlightened my mind about God and the purpose of life. He is an instrument of God to give me all the information I want to hear. His pieces of advice gave answers to all my questions. Everything is not scientifically answered, but God can. “All things are possible with God”. He told me that God chose to give us this very special baby because He has a purpose. I was sobbing and speechless while listening to father Edgar. He told me to submit everything to God and he will keep us in our prayers. Father Edgar offered us his time if I needed somebody to talk to. I knew I have chosen to speak to the right person after all these test. I am still sad, very sad…but pretty sure, I am on my way to my recovery. It may take time a long time, but I now starting to accept the truth and has to live with it.
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